my inner pessimist

a lame quiz

2006-01-08T14:02:17Z

Your Social Dysfunction:
Narcissistic

You are very self-important, preoccupied with success fantasies, expect special treatment and lack interpersonal empathy.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Please note that we aren't, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.

mirc?!

2005-12-02T15:43:53Z

welcome back, mirc! haha...

Foodstamp187-afk: dude best story ever
Foodstamp187-afk: my frat bro went to the dorms last night and slept with this chick....and he woke up and realized he shit the bed and the girl wasn't up yet. So he gets up all sly and takes some construction paper and scoops the shit up and opens the back of her panties and puts it down them...Wakes up her up in a panic and says "What the fuck did you do!" and then just bounced.
Foodstamp187-afk: hahah

armageddon

2005-11-28T12:20:58Z

Work is driving me nuts. Friday night, my second night cocktailing without Heidi as the main bartender. And Gary's second night bartending Heidi's shift. We were packed by 10pm, which is sort of early.

Denise came to work, at 1030ish and she was bar-backing. Yes, Denise was drunk. She was drunk enough to think it wasn't busy at midnight, when Gary didn't even have time to leave the bar to take a piss. Throughout this crazy night, Denise is continuosly asking me what she should be doing. HELLO, I'm the cocktail waitress, you're the bartender - You should know what to do. So I go behind the bar to relieve Gary (So he could at least piss) and Denise asks me if she can close her till out. WHAT? NO DENISE. Just get out from behind my bar and leave your till! This lady was drinking behind the bar and I'm having to watch her just as closly as my full bar of drugged up drunken men.

I am the only set of eyes wandering through the most part of the bar, because Gary is so busy behind the bar. Yes, I was cocktailing while picking up empty glasses/bottles/ashtrays, taking drink orders and going behind the bar, making the drinks, using the second cash register to ring the shit up and then delivering to the fucks.

I smell puke. BARF. I walk over to the mafia booth, following the nasty smell to find a vomitous mess all over the chair, table and floor. YAY! I am furious, screaming at a customer who's standing next to the vomit trying to order a drink from me. "NOOO, I have to clean up barf YOU COCK SUCKER!"

While I am trying to figure out how to clean up barf, I hear an arguement in the entryway of the bar. YAY!! Wandering outside There is like 8 guys up on each other, yelling. I am screaming telling them to STOP, no one is listening obviously. So I just start grabbing grown men and throwing them where they may land.

Denise tried doing last call at 130pm with over 50 people in the bar.

That doesn't even begin to sum the night up. But we'll move on to a bit more organized Saturday night.

SATURDAY

Another night of mostly MEN.
Kevin and Nathan are in the pool room. Can't keep my eyes off of them, because Nathan had been drinking Vodka Redbulls and Tequilla shots. Of course Nathan tries to start a fight and we have to kick him out. Which was quite the task.

Later in the evening I go to the ladies room to piss. Sitting in the stall, I notice the stall next to me, the lady was facing the toilet standing up. What the hell? Is it a she-man? The she-man spoke to me!!! It was creepy.
"Will you turn the water on for me? I am sort of bladder shy and I'm drunk"
ME: NO! I am taking a fucking piss.
"Sorry, I guess I'll just wait"
ME: I guess so.

I leave the bathroom and donot turn the faucet on. I go back out to the bar and look around trying to figure out who's in the bar and who that one girl in the bathroom is. The only person I see that's missing is Har-mond (mexian dude....god he's annoying). Then I start to wonder. I run back to the bathroom and lower my head to look at the feet, the feet that are still facing the toilet seat. This time there's a pair of unfilled shoes by the feet facing the toilet. There's groaning and moaning! EWW.

Har-mond and some ugly, pudgy, manly-voiced girl are in the stall fucking.
So I send Denise in to deal with it. She opens the unlocked stall to see Har-mond's fully erect mexican cock whip around and look at her. YIKES.

Har-mond is kicked out of the bar, along with the ugly hoe. He tries to come back in later to order a drink, and we deny him and he yells, walks out the door and PUNCHES A HOLE IN THE WALL.

Rich Dunkin (a member of the band that played in the bar that night) leaves with his wife right behind us chasing Har-mond out.

This kid Aaron, right before our eyes, hops into Rich Dunkin's truck, that's on warming up, and he takes off. Dude just takes off IN VALDEZ in some dudes truck. Where does he go? SOUTH CENTRAL. Go fucking figure.

The world is ENDING. And I would like to be having dirty, sweaty and lengthy sex as it happens.

Shut your FACE!

2005-11-04T13:43:19Z

Friendster is the stupidest thing, EVER. Talk about ads out the ass.

I have not signed into LJ for quite a while and it has changed. I don't take well to change these days.

I am never drinking jagermiester again. Not sure how many times I've tried convincing myself that was true. It's always back to the black.

Outdoors in Valdez this early morning is like world war 3, mothernature against all the useless JUNK people leave laying around outside. It's windy as fuck out and colder than a witches tittay on a brass broom. Driving over to the club after work to see what was going on and I nearly ran into some stupid fu kung sign. AS IF WE DON'T ALL KNOW WHERE FUKUNG IS. Tourist season is over, put your useless sign away we all know where you are! Just deal with the shitty winter business. It was blowin like a whore outside when I was out paying bills at 4, put your shit away so it doesn't blow all over town. Gosh.

So I can't sleep, I'm doing laundry, looking at porn on my computer and watching spongebob squarepants on tv. Sickos.

pave blueberry hill.

thoughts.

2005-08-27T15:10:42Z

News Flash:

Pubic hair is disgusting. God gave you pubic hair and man gave you a razor. Use a razor to shave the pubic hair that God gave you. Because it's gross. Boys, if you aren't going to shave your balls, SCRUB the nasty things..if you ever plan on getting any real play. And, ladies, wash your stinky ass and clean your smelly tunafish meatcurtains. Defintally SHAVE your pussy ladies, you piss on your nasty pubic hair. Sickos. You dirty, dirty disgusting people. YUCK!

No no no no no! Books on Europe and Boxer shorts.

2005-08-17T22:46:17Z

Genya "that's so cool, if I were a guy I would walk around wearing my boxers at home."
Krystal "would you like touch me, in your boxers?" *grabs crotch*
Genya "eww no, I wouldn't touch you with my underpants on!"
Krystal "Awwee!" "You wouldn't touch me?!"
Genya "No, some guy in his boxers shouldn't touch a girl with only his boxers on, unless he's like banging her or if he came out of her, then she'd be like his mom"
Krystal "....."
Genya "I think that's very true"
Krystal "...."

---watching Tata Young Dhoom Dhoom! thanks to Nels! hahah...this shit is awfullllllll......SOOO gay.
I don't approve of this.

Disappear

2005-08-16T18:47:40Z

The first page, where I met you, just disappears and when I turn back to reminisce I find myself lost. What could be more imporant than the first page of a book? I'm not finished with him, just let me read it once in a while. I don't stand a chance, without a breath and I'm suffocating in the panic of your disappearing act. You're always there to pick me up, tell me how it is that you throw me down the highest mountain so gently. I love falling it feels so amazing, you aren't down there to pillow your bitch, so the quake is on my state of mind. I'm reading a good mystery, but you're missing pages and so the big story is a few pages short of a best seller.

On a more realistic, normal note, I had soul food for dinner last night. N' I made so swwwhheeet teaa'y.

mental processes and behavior

2005-08-16T08:24:06Z

In college I took a few pyschology classes and was intrigued by the study of "mental processes and behavior". Tonight, I was searching the net and decided to look up www.google.com "pyschology articles" and found a site with various pyschology articles, self-help articles and articles written by actual diagonosed patients(?). As I browsed the selection of articles, reading the ones that stood out, it all gave me kind of a bad taste in my mouth. How are these self-help and awareness articles supposed to do any good. They make me feel like shit. What if our discoveries in pyschology are just no good, what if they are all wrong. I don't remember pyschology class being this stomach twisting. Maybe I just found all the wrong articles. How can people be so naive and hungry for other people to remedy their problems. I know I've felt the need for sappy help from others before, yet there comes a moment where you understand what helps and what doesn't. Maybe it's just me.

My notes from wordpad.

Self-help article for: Bipolar Disorder

(brief synopysis) Advice for those who suffer from being Bipolar, tells the bipolar how to 'maintain' themself by giving them instructions basically on how to live normal. "establish a daily routine, take your meds, eat healthy, don't drink or do drugs often" Elementry instructions and that's all!

Pyscho-analysis of oneself:

(very brief synopysis) A poem by someone diagnosed as depressed. More or less a poem, an article dressed with passion and darkness.

Narcissism explained by PHD:

Articles, FAQS from people who have declared their significant other, friend or whomever as a narcissist and is looking for professional feedback for how the narcissist will react in certain situations that they may confront the narcissist in the life with. The pyschologist replies to these internet explorers with very lengthy feedbacks. Also available on the internet, self-help articles from pyscholgists with topics on Narcissistic Mothers! Insanity.

Profile of a Pedophile:

>Pedo means "child" in Greek. Phile is a derivative of Greek, Latin, and French, meaning "love".<

An Article that describes the characteristics of a pedophile, the motives and how the pedophile makes the prey feel and just how the pedophile may reel it's prey in.

My self-help for everyone today is "Fuck it."

grassh0pper @ 2005-08-09T02:51:00

2005-08-09T13:57:10Z

Bass bouncing through my ears, beautiful voice pulling and pricking my soul up and rolling over my flesh. Echoes of prancing drums, flushing my fear of losing my body and forcing me to feel that I exsist without tooth and nail.

Krystal is a pervert and needs lots of ass to maintain normality.

2005-08-08T11:35:13Z

There comes a certain time of night in the bar, when the larger crowd is gone and things start to wind down. Everyone is tired of dancing and wandering, they've all found their comfy place at the bar with a fellow drunken bastard. So, when I'm rotating the beer and stocking, cleaning or whatever - I hear some very interesting (well, not always interesting, sometimes just annoying) things. I believe 100% of drunks become so emotional when they are drunk. They sit and speak so enthusiastically about tomorrow, about who they are, about what the believe in and some of them even try to go so far as to speak of politics and religion. It's the funniest shit. Because most of the enthusiastics are gracing me with their presents on a daily basis, just talking and conquering the world in their head.

laptop

2005-07-27T11:12:55Z

I am getting a laptop! Whee. Just like the one I'm on now. I'm at swifty's where Hailie and Genya are staying now and you can't even go to myspace.com because it's considered "Dating" and there is sitefilters. WTH?? Site filters? How lame is that??

Anyway, on a nicer note about Swifty's place we retreated to the jazcuzzi tonight AND the sauna. I feel like a princess in my spongebob nighties. wooooo! off i go.

my deep thoughts

2005-07-11T11:22:37Z

i hate guys. what does it take to get a PENIS? a big fat penis. a big fat penis that you really, really, want!? yeah. i'd like that big fat penis of KC's. whatever thought. fuck it.

Valdez.

2005-05-31T21:23:40Z

Crazy, crazy life. Need vacation.

Pin the tail on Krystal.

2005-03-23T16:01:25Z

4:30 am Breakfast @ the MAN-CAMP.
Tony rambling of a properly cleaned flat top grill. I was gifted with 5 grill scrubs and screens as I left. Yet, no banana to cure my craving!

5:30 am Waltz and Skip around Eagle.
The Deuce aisle was freshly mopped and fully equipped to be skipped upon. Inventory workers at the grocery seemed awakened by my pose's debut appearance. Woot.

6:30 am slide behind Pipeline.
Say NO to high heels on ice. I'm frightened by the fluffy snow and ice outside. Yesterday there was pavement, today ice AND fluffy snow. There I was, behind the Pipeline Inn, sliding off my feet and onto nasty snow.

6:55 am current up to the minute news.
Bored and restless in the winter wonderland Valdez, Alaska. The wisdom teeth of Krystal Rose are killing her every breath. The question of the day "Can your wisdom teeth out wit and kill you?"

March 2005 Food for Thought.
Krystal: Your cousin Danny (Gilson) is hot.
Abbi: Ewww. My cousin is an asshole who likes to smell.
Krystal: likes? likes to smell? smell, whatever. he's still hot. or at least cute.
Abbi: Look at him over there. Smelling. He's an earthy hippie.
Krystal: hmmmm...

May my daddy-o rest in peace today. ..-..-...-...-...-....-....-....-.....-.....-.....--

grassh0pper @ 2005-03-18T08:22:00

2005-03-18T17:52:37Z

I was once alive.

Girls...

2005-03-18T17:11:57Z

St Patricks Day was eventful. The first night I've been out with Genya in a long damn time. I had fun, I was a bit spacey the entire night though. I drank far too much beer. Bleh. Beer. Wine. Hmmphf. My man is leaving soon. I'm a bit sad, I'll be alone. I can't sleep lately, and he's here I know how it's going to be when he does leave. He's defintally growing on me...too much...does that sound bad?

I'm in a slow process of moving, for the past week. My new roomies...Abbigail and Jodi - above the visitor's center. The first and only time I had been to Jodi's house was right when Michael and I started...whatever-ing. Then I met Abbi and we have the whole "Sunday Night" thing. Hmmm....

5 more days and it will be 1 year since my father passed away. Funny. It feels so unreal. I've seen Michael like 3 days in a row. Usually I avoid him well. Tonight, I was with Garry in Captain Jo's and Michael was in there talking to tommi. When I have these depressing and bizarre feelings about my dad and I see Michael during those times, I just want to.... I have so many friends. What's the matter with me? You know? I guess I'm just a stalker who can't get over her dad or her friend. I must be the most annoying person, EVER.

My life is a mess. I wish my Dad was here.

There's a bottle of wine on my chester. Maybe that will help?

grrrrrrrrrr.

quiz....can't sleep

2005-02-10T18:53:43Z

Stupid.

2005-02-10T16:54:38Z

I can't find my dvd remote. There is not a way to play dvds in my fucking dvd player without the god damned, fucking piece of shit remote. There has never been a way AND there never will be a way to use the filthy fucking dvd player without the remote control. SOOO. This all means that going to sleep is going to be THAT much harder and I'm going to lose my mind. Maybe we should all just do drugs and waste our lives away so we don't care about the fucking stupid ass, worthless cock sucking, 2 dollar whore dvd remote that I can't fucking find in this god forsaken room that's practically empty coz NONE of my shit is really here and I'm going to fucking flip the fuck out. I just about threw my wireless keyboard looking for the remote and for fucks sake I don't want to break yet another keyboard. FUCK.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. this day my dear friends, is being a major cunt.

anyway....:) ta-ta!

Missing Link

2005-02-10T16:14:10Z

IMPORTANT MISSING PIECE OF STORY.....

Gary lied about the cocaine called a friend I was with saying he wasn't doing that shit and asking about me. Called back again confessing he had been doing it all night.

He just had like 8000 dollars. Wonder how much of it he has now? After almost a week.

SEE. do I want this?

What You Waiting For? Take a Chance You Stupid HO. Tick Tock.

2005-02-10T16:11:18Z

Anger poured from my fists like the mucas clogging my sinuses tonight/this morning. I pounded, kicked and beat the living fuck out of the pipeline bar ladie's bathroom wall. Whuuuwhoo.

I've been trying to deal with my fucked feelings about "relationships" with those things with big cocks. Uhh...not a good time for sarcasim, humor or even anger. But yeah. Gary. I can't understand why I had any feelings about tonight at all. I don't know why I was so angry or even surprised.

When Gary walked in from darts with Mom Vikki, I was playing cribbage with John. I immediately noticed something was wrong, I felt that Gary was sad. My thoughts were 'OMG, this is weird' I felt remorse and I wanted to make him feel better. I walked over to him and asked him what was going on and he just kind of looked down, that should have been my first sign that something was going on that I shouldn't deal with. His eyes were big and his face was gloomy. Still...even after that I gave him a hug and a kiss and went back to my game...just kind of waiting for him to give some sort of valid response. He was being really strange and it scared me, like something was terribly wrong. I was patient.

Shortly later, after a couple of games, I walked to the ladies bathroom, right as I was turning the corner GARY is walking into the LADIES bathroom. I see his ass end.

THOUGHT A: Is there someone here he's worried about? Is there someone here forcing him into conflict and dramatic arguement? ....NO.
THOUGHT B: DRUGS. COCAINE. ADDICTION.

My thoughts on drugs...are simple. People who are drug addicts are not themselves. It's impossible for me to truly love, care, understand or know a person who is a drug addict. Drugs, especially cocaine interfer with a persons true self, causing mystery, secrets, mood swings and unintelligent choices.

I think the biggest reason why I was so fucking angry is...he's the sweetest guy, most caring guy I've ever met and I felt bad because of how I thought of "us". Basically I was assuming that "US" was 'GARY AND KRYSTAL" not 'KRYSTAL, GARY AND COCAINE" you know?

Another important detail, after all of this happened I realized something horrible. I basically subconciously make myself empty and numb to love because with all past experiences LOVE DIES, LOVE ENDS, LOVE GOES AWAY and completely ruins everything. "LOVE" and "RELATIONSHIP" instead of "FRIENDSHIP" completely ruines "FRIENDSHIP" in many cases. My entire point being, I realized that I do have feelings and have had feelings that were 'normal' which is a bit of a relieve and a bit frusterating.

I was going to cut all "RELATIONSHIP" between Gary and I off. Not tonight, but pretty much tomorrow. Instead Gary departed the Pipeline knowing I was pissed for whatever reason (no one else knowing) and only hugged me and kissed my forehead saying "I'm SORRY"

Later Gary returns to the Pipeline after last call as I'm stocking beer. He sat at a stool and watched me. Kept saying he was sorry. I gave him the "Do you really think I"m going to talk about this right now" look. Before he left, I gave him a kiss :( and said "See you tomorrow" I know he wanted me to come with him. But, I just couldn't. SO here I am awake and alone.

Trouble is, he has no reason to apologize to me. Not to be an after-school special but it's himself he should be sorry for.

Problem now:

I need out of what I'm getting into.
I'm in too deep. Already?
Even though this is all fucked up, still, I don't want to hurt him. I almost think he cares about me more.
I want to help him.
LOOK WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME I TRIED TO HELP SOMEONE I LOVED.
this is ridiculous.

Get out while you have the chance dumbass.

Damn you.

2005-02-06T17:19:38Z

I can't sleep, because I declined cuddling at Gary's place so that I could come home and sulk like a pathetic loser. I must have really wanted to sit blankly in my room by myself.

Tons of shit to do on a SUNDAY. Still no sleep, almost 830am.

Now I know why I didn't mind Michael.

I'm a sick fuck....sick sick sick fuck.

What is it with me and men over 25? god, now it's men over 30 (barely). I'm ........ in need of smoke. I have none. I'm trying to quit.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME HAPPY. STOOOOPPPPPPPP.

shut up.

2005-02-06T17:12:31Z

you are the "I hate you so bad" happy
bunny. You hate everyone and eveything and your
not ashamed of it.

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am pathetic. *says outloud* It feels good to be honest, once in a while.

numb. paint me black.

2005-02-03T13:33:40Z

The past two days I have had obnoxious, happy sex. You can't put me and a hard cock in a room with me and not expect a little pushing and shoving, smacking and just a tad bit of kinky sex and maybe even some spanking going on.

Since my last relationship I have met and FUCKED some awesome men. Not just sexually awesome men, but truly fucking kick ass men. The past couple of weeks, I discovered an awesome man and great fuck right underneath my nose. And soooo...we fuck...and we have the greatest sex you wish you could have..

BUT, he's sweet. He's not just a fuck, he kisses and says really, really, really, really sweet things. AND he's HOT. H O T.

PROBLEM: I respond to his sweet nothings physically and sort of verbally. However...I feel absolutely nothing of the sort. IT's like that about every guy who's sweet to me. Here I have everything I thought I wanted to fill my emptiness and the only thing it's doing for me is making me feel more empty than before.

BLAH BLAH BLAH

okay...

basically....

I hear "Krystal, I want you to stay. I want to hold you tonight. YOu're so ...blah blah" It makes me feel so weird I can't even type it. NORMAL things that people in healthy relationships say. I can't handle it. It makes me feel so HORRIBLE. I feel like a bad person. I feel more and more empty with each day of NORMAL relationship I experience. I feel BAD for feeling the way that I can't change...but I don't know what to do!? I try to lay and tolerate the niceness. Even niceness without words. Just him holding me, kissing me....putting his cheek on mine. I CANNOT HANDLE IT. It makes me feel more empty.

THEN I COME HOME AND I FEEL EVEN MORE EMPTY COZ I'M ALONE?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!? WHY DO I ALWAYS DO THIS? WHY?

So basically......I'm a heartless bitch who ruines people and relationships ......

but sex is good? I don't get it! I like sex, I like flirting, I like liking someone.....but when it gets further than almost PROSTITUTE LIKE I quickly become repulsed, not repulsed of the other person, but repulsed with myself. WHYYYYYYY!?!??!

wWhywiouawhe;oaiwej;aowie uwa0934[4wanbt4aw[upt4p atwrup

I'm sooo fucked up. I shouldn't even be admiting this. It's so much more than this too. It's worse than anyone should ever know.

are you hungry?

2005-02-02T13:04:07Z

I had sex a couple of times last night. Till the wee hours of the morning. It felt.....awesome. Might I add, I can't remember the last time I had such good head. I'm a little tired out today.

I went to someone's house and watched a movie. HA. "Irobot" last there were robots and will smith in it....

:c)

Stop following me...

2005-01-29T02:02:47Z

Why try to be like me? Do what I do? Thinking like I think? Feel like I feel? Look like I look. Stop following me. I'm not cool and you defintally aren't either....

get of muh back.

I wish some people would just let me be me on my own.

It's funny how SOME people are always in a constant state of trying to be something the defintally aren't. It's really pathetic....yes you are...